My life

Lately I've come upon several realizations. The first and foremost: I am (currently) happy. I believe that this comes from me not wanting anything. At the moment, there are times where I enjoy myself and the company of others where I don't think about things that I want, or where I don't want anymore than what I have.

This leads into my second realization: I am not (currently) happy. Though I would have to say I am more happy than I am not, my unhappiness arises from my (continuous) lack of direction. There always need to be something for you to conquer, over that hill you're climbing, you should see another, even bigger hill to climb. It's not so much that my life has no hills, it's just that I don't feel very compelled to climb them.

Third realization: I need a hobby. So here it is. After years of saying how much I love music and want to play the piano, I don't want to play the piano. It would be cool If I could, but I don't really feel interested enough to put the time into it. Especially by myself. Same goes for a comic. I've decided that I want to pursue a deeper passion, travel.

More than just sightseeing, I want to adventure around the world (most of it anyways). That being said, I now have a goal to aspire to. I've decided that my first trip should be around the US. I want to drive to different cities, see sights, meet people, and spend some time opening my eyes to the wonderful and terrible things that this country has to offer. I will plan it for 5 years in the future.

I wonder how much vacation time I'll get at work?

WOW

Ok, so over a year ago I wanted to do THE SAME EXACT THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO NOW.
No progress has been made. the list btw

Do homework
Learn to play piano
Make comic (story boards)

Well, if this is really what I want to do I guess I'll buy some books to learn how to draw for story boarding and plug that stupid keyboard in.

This is supposed to be my journal, right?

So here are some things plaguing my mind:

I hated leaving China - I'm SOOO fucking happy that I'm here in America, finishing up collage. I can't imagine being there for so long without the proper technology and people telling me the truth. I just feel like I walked out on something, and I don't like the idea of it. It's the principle.

I fucking want to play music again - I just feel really scared when I plug in the keyboard and I hit the note and it makes a sound and I just want to stop because I'm not Mozart. That's the train of thought anyway.

I love my ferret - I fucking read her thoughts. But it makes me sad that we have dissimilar interests. I would rather play video games all day while she would rather sleep. Plus she poops too much.

I really love my girlfriend - because I know that she's reading this *heart*

I hate being addicted to things - Video games, cigarettes, Coke-a-Cola. Just knowing that something has an ACTUAL pull on my thoughts and actions makes me sick. But these strings are hard to cut. I rebel at times, telling my self that I'm better for it, "proving" that I'm in control, then I crash and seek comfort in what vices in know (masturbation).

LOL - didn't see the masturbation thing coming did you? Gotcha!

I'm fat - holy shit I'm fat. After I finish school I really want to do the P90x thing, but eating healthy food sucks. Oh, and coke, cigarettes, etc., masturbation.

I hate living at home - my mom is the snoopiest person ever. My invalid grandmother who never leaves the couch is her Woodstock.... which makes me... Linus?

House is getting old - not Hugh though, just the show. It's like, "hey, nothing makes sense so lets just confuse everyone and promote dosing people with lethal doses of radiation and poor medical practices, then solve the case! Hey everyone, it's not lupus!"

My friends suck - most of them anyways, some of the time. Oh man, can we stop taking everything so seriously everyone? Y'all niggas need to lighten up. All the politics, all the selfishness, all the uncleanliness, fuck that shit. It's boring, it's rude, and it's gross. Fix yo shit.

I feel like everyone is doing nothing - but then why bother asking what I'm doing? Wouldn't I too be doing nothing? Are you asking because you want something to do? Then why shy away when I bring something up, pretending to be doing something?

Real cool people don't care about being cool - but all the fakes want to hang out with other fake people that fake it better. I believe this is why it's so hard for me to find people as cool as me, they try too hard.

I have all these ideas about story lines, I just don't know what to do with them. I think I should story board them, then have a picture book, that way I can do what I want with them later. I just need to be able to draw so that I can understand them later.

Oh, and New years resolutions suck.

Bye!

Go Team Venture!

Well, seeing as how I have a whole year to do this... My RESOLUTIONS!!!!

1. Graduate from College

2. Get a job (that makes more than 40k)

3. Fix car

4. Cosplay at a con

5. Read one book every week

6. Weigh 160 lbs (210 now)

7. Call my family once a week

8. Make the bed every day

9. Pay off my credit card

Print this out!

Bleh

I had a meeting with that professor I had a problem with. Just as I thought, things got better when I got a chance to know him. I really feel like I know the direction that the class is going in now, I just have to do the readings... Too bad I'm not a big reader, But I'm going to seriously make an effort. Now for one of my favorites: a list of things I need to do!
1. Aristotle paper
2.Other paper I have to do for my ethics class...
3. Boethius paper
4. Final paper for Philosophy class
OK!
Now things that I will actually* do!
(*try to)
1. Read ch1-6 in Capitalism at the X-roads
2 Read Working ethics in its entirety
3. Start working on papers!!
4. Start learning how to draw
Alright! Nothing to it but to do it, right?

The corporation

Just saw The Corporation...
I think corporation is a pretty cool guy, eh' steals from the earth and doesn't afraid of anything.
This sustainable business class is actually pretty awesome. My only problem is with the teacher, his teaching sucks! Now, to be fair, I don't think that he sucks personally. Maybe with a smaller class size, or shorter class time, he would be great. But as it is, he's horrible at organizing activities and discussions. *Sigh* I'm off now to do some reading, and update my project.

Obligation

The only reason I'm posting is because I feel like I have to.

Update:

I'm currently sick

I have 2 papers due in 3 days (which isn't that bad)

I'm trying to be more social

I still feel as if my family boggs me down, but I think they only do it because they feel I have nothing better to do.

end